Trump-Biden Joint PSA: Everyone Should Get Vaccinated!
Exclusive Pre-production video leaked!
[ I got an exclusive!!! A friend of a friend knows a guy who drinks with a guy who’s a cameraman for a TV station, and that guy funneled a transcript from a video session all the way back to me. It was a joint PSA that Trump and Biden recorded about urging people to get vaccinated. ]
Director: Ok, Gentlemen. Let’s do one more take. Mr. Trump, please try to stick to the script that you and your people approved. Ok, ready? Good. Start the teleprompter, and three, two, one …
Trump: Hi, I’m President Donald J. Trump.
Biden: And I’m President Joe Biden. And we’re here to talk about a very important topic …
Trump: [Faces Biden] You mean “Fake President Biden.”
Biden: [head drops down, head in hands] Oh no, Donald. Not again.
Trump: I’m just saying.
Biden: Obviously, we disagree on a lot of things. But not about COVID. And Donald and I are here to ask you to please get vaccinated against the coronavirus.
Trump: That’s right. The vaccine that I, alone, made happen.
Biden: That’s right, Donald. You did it. All. By. Your. Self.
Trump: That’s right, and this will help more Republicans to vote, because when you get vaccinated, you won’t die.
Biden: Good point, Donald. And getting vaccinated is as American as voting, so everyone should please get vaccinated.
Trump: Hold on there, Joe. Everyone should get vaccinated, but not everyone should be able to vote. Only legal Americans should vote.
Biden: That’s already the case, Donald.
Trump: And next time, we’ll be watching very, very, very closely. I’ll have my best people watching out for bad things from happening.
Biden: One really bad thing is getting infected with the coronavirus. As you know, Donald, that wasn’t a very pleasant experience, was it?
Trump: You’re right, Joe. I was not well, that’s for sure. But even when I was in the hospital, I was still the healthiest president of all time.
Biden: Those of you who fear the vaccine isn’t safe, or may cause other health concerns, that’s just not true.
Trump: And that’s because I, alone, made sure those vaccines were safe. I tested each one myself.
Biden: Donald…
Trump: I financed the whole thing, I gave the ideas to the scientists, and I made it go warp speed. That’s how I came up with that name, you know.
Biden: Donald…
Trump: And I’ll tell ya, if it weren’t for that schmuck Anthony Fauci, everyone would have gotten vaccinated while I was still president. But noooo… He had to get in the way and…
Biden: Donald, Dr. Fauci didn’t stop the vaccines from getting out. The clinical trials had to be sure the drugs were safe.
Trump: Oh no, I knew the drugs were safe and I wanted everyone to take them, but the corrupt, liberal drug companies waited till after the election to let people take them because they wanted me to lose.
Biden: Can we just agree that people should get vaccinated?
Trump: Yes.
Biden: Good.
Trump: But only if I can tweet about it.
Biden: Now hold on. That’s not up to me.
Trump: You can make them take me back. They’re all liberals. And they censor my speech. The First Amendment, buddy. Look it up.
Biden: The First Amendment prevents the government from censorship. It doesn’t apply to private companies.
Trump: If you want me to agree to this, have them allow me back on so I can tweet about getting vaccinated.
Biden: Donald, I can do one better! We’ll have Fox and Newsmax broadcast this video!
Trump: Really? They’ll do that, even though it might help you?
Biden: Look at it this way, Donald. It helps all Americans. Especially Republican voters.
Trump: They’re beautiful people, you know.
Biden and Trump in unison: Please get vaccinated, everyone!
